Salesian Literature

Chapter 9:  Gentleness towards ourselves

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One of the excellent practices of gentleness which we could learn to do is never to be vexed at ourselves or against our imperfections.  Its subject is we ourselves.  Even though it is reasonable that we must be sorry and displeased when we commit some faults, yet we must refrain from a harsh, vexed, gloomy and angry displeasure.  Many make a great mistake in this regard.  When they are overcome with anger, they become angry at being angry, vexed at being vexed, fretful at being fretful.  By this means, they keep their hearts steeped and soaked in anger.  Although it may seem that the second anger destroys the first, all the same, it serves as an opening and a passage for fresh anger at the first occasion which presents itself.  Moreover, these vexations, harshness and anger which we have against ourselves tend to pride.  They have no other origin than self-love which is disturbed and anxious at seeing ourselves imperfect.

 

We must have a peaceful, calm and firm displeasure at our faults.  A judge punishes the criminals rightly by passing his judgements guided by reason and in a spirit of tranquillity.  It is not so when he does it with passion and  impetuosity.  In judging with passion, he does not chastise the faults as they are but in so far a she is himself.  Even so, we correct ourselves much better though calm, abiding repentance and not through harsh, eager and angry repentance.  In so far as this repentance is made with violence it is not according to the seriousness of our faults but according to our inclinations.  For example, he who is fond of chastity will regret with unparalleled bitterness even the least fault he commits against it.  But he will only smile at a serious detraction he has committed.  On the contrary, he who hates calumny will torture himself for murmuring a little.  But he will not take into account a serious sin he committed against chastity; and so too for other sins.  The same will be the attitude towards other things too, in so far as the judgement of conscience is not made by reason but by passion.

 

Believe me, Philothea, the correction made by a father gently and with love has much more power to correct the child than one made with anger and fury.  So too when our heart has committed some fault we must correct it with gentle, calm remonstrances, with more compassion for it than anger against it, encouraging it to amendment.  Thus the repentance it will form will sink in much more and penetrate more deeply than a fretful angry, stormy repentance.

 

As for myself, if I had, for example, taken great care not to fall into the vice of vanity and yet fell deeply into it, I would not like to correct my heart in the following manner: ‘ Are you not wretched and abominable that after so many resolutions you allowed yourself to be carried away by vanity?  Die of shame, do not raise your eyes to heaven, you  blind, shameless, traitor disloyal to your God’;  and similar expressions.  But I would like to correct it reasonably by means of compassion: “Alas! My poor heart, here we are fallen again into the ditch which we had so firmly decided to avoid.  Let us get up and leave it for ever.  Let us entreat the mercy of God and hope that henceforth it will help us to be firm;  let us return to the path of humility.  Courage, henceforth let us be on our guard.  God will help us and we shall do better.”  I would like to build up a firm and solid resolution never to fall into the same fault taking suitable means for this and following likewise the opinion of the spiritual director.

 

In case, anyone find this heart is not sufficiently moved by this gentle correction, he may make use of a reproach and a severe and stern rebuke to arouse a profound sorrow.  Make sure that after such a harsh reprimand and challenge you end with relief concluding all regret and anger with a gentle and holy confidence in God.  Let us thus imitate that great penitent who, seeing his soul afflicted aroused it in this way: Why are you sad, O my soul, and why do you trouble me?  Hope in God for I will praise him still as the salvation of my countenance and my true God  (Ps. 41, 42:5).

 

Raise your heart, then, whenever it falls, very gently humbling yourself profoundly before God for the knowledge of your misery.  Do not be in the least surprised at your fall since it is not astonishing that infirmity is infirm, weakness is weak and misery is wretched.  Nevertheless, detest with all your strength the offence God has received form you.  With great courage and confidence in his mercy, put yourself back on the path of virtue which you had forsaken.

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