Salesian Literature

Chapter 30:  Further advice on conversation

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In your speech be gentle, free, sincere, straightforward, simple and truthful.  Be on your guard against duplicity, cunning and pretence.  Although it is not good to say always all kinds of truths, yet is never allowed to go against truth.  Accustom yourself never to tell a lie deliberately either by way of excuse or for any other reason.  Remember that God is the God of truth (Ps. 31:5).  If you happen to tell a lie inadvertently and you can correct it on the spot, by some explanation or alteration, do so.  A genuine excuse has much more grace and strength as an apology than a lie.

 

Although we may sometimes discreetly and prudently disguise and conceal the truth by some play on words, yet it is not to be done except in a matter of importance when the glory and service of God clearly requires it.  Beyond this such tricks of words are dangerous. For as Scripture say the Holy Spirit does not abide in a deceitful and double-dealing person (Wis. 1:5).  There is no ingenuity so good and desirable as simplicity.  Worldly prudence and carnal devices belong to the children of this world.  But the children of God walk sincerely with an open heart.  Whoever walks with simplicity, says the Wise Man, walks confidently (Prov. 10:9).  Lying, duplicity and pretence always manifest a weak and mean spirit.

 

St. Augustine had said in the fourth Book of his Confessions [Chapter 6] that his soul and that of his friend were just one soul.  After the death of his friend, this life was dreadful for him because he did not wish to live by halves.  For that same reason, he was afraid of the eventuality of death lest his friend should die completely.  Later these words seemed to him very artificial and exaggerated so that he revoked them in the book of his Retractions.  He called them an absurdity.  Do you see, dear Philothea, how this beautiful person was sensitive to the feelings of artificiality in words?  Indeed, truthfulness, simplicity and sincerity in speech are a great ornament to Christian life.  David said: I said, I will guard against my ways not to sin with my tongue.  Set a watch, Lord, at my mouth, at the door which closes my lips (Ps. 39:1; 141:3)

 

King St. Louis advises us not to contradict any person except in case of sin or of great harm in agreeing with him.  This is to avoid all quarrels and arguments.  When it is necessary to contradict someone and to oppose his opinion to that of another, we must use great gentleness and tact without any wish to force his spirit.  In fact, we gain nothing by being rough in our dealings.

 

To speak little is recommended by the ancient sages.  It does not mean that we speak a few words only, but that we are not to say many useless words.  In speaking we are not concerned about quantity but quality.  It seems to me that we should avoid two extremes.  To be too reserved and rigid, refusing to contribute to familiar talk in conversations, seems to show either lack of confidence or some kind of contempt.  To chatter and cajole always, without giving leisure or opportunity for others to speak as they would like to, is a sign of shallowness and light-mindedness.

 

St. Louis did not think it advisable to speak secretly or confidentially in company, especially at table.  This was to prevent causing suspicion in others that evil was being spoken of them.  He used to say: “He who is at table in good company, and has something joyful and pleasant to share, ought to say it in such a way that everyone can hear it.  If it is a serious matter, let him not speak but keep silence about it.”

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