Salesian Literature

Chapter 8:  Gentleness towards our neighbour and remedies for anger

​

The holy chrism used in the Church of God for confirmations and consecrations following apostolic tradition is composed of olive oil mixed with balm.  Among other things it represents the two favourite and beloved virtues which shine forth in the Sacred Person of our Lord.  He has particularly recommended them to us to indicate that through them our hearts are to be specially consecrated to his service and dedicated to his imitation: Learn of me, he says, for I am gentle and humble of heart (Mt. 11:29).  Humility makes us perfect towards God and gentleness towards our neighbour.  The balm, which as I mentioned earlier always sinks to the bottom more than all other liquids, symbolizes humility.  Olive oil, which always floats on the surface, symbolizes gentleness and kindness which being the flower of charity rises above all things and is outstanding among virtues.  According to St. Bernard charity reaches its perfection when it is not only patient but also gentle and meek.

 

Take care, Philothea, that this mystical chrism made up of gentleness and humility is within your heart.  For it is one of the great tricks of the enemy to make many people satisfied with words and the external appearances of these two virtues.  Those who do not examine well their interior dispositions imagine themselves to be humble and gentle though in practice they are not.  We recognize them to be such because in spite of their ceremonious gentleness and humility, they burst out with unparalleled arrogance at the least offensive word or at the least insult they receive.  It is said that those who have taken the preventive commonly known as the grace of St. Paul do not suffer from inflammations when bitten or stung by a viper provided the preventive is of excellent quality[1].  So too when humility and gentleness are good and authentic we are guaranteed against the inflammations and passions which insults usually provoke in our hearts.  When bitten and stung by detractors and enemies, if we become proud, puffed up and vexed, it is a sure sign that our humility and gentleness were not genuine and sincere but artificial and apparent.

 

The holy and illustrious patriarch Joseph while sending his brothers from Egypt back to his father’s house gave them only this one advice: Do not become angry on the way (Gen. 45:24).  I say the same to you Philothea: this miserable life is only a progressive journey to the happy life to come.  Therefore let us not be angry at all with one another on the way.  Let us walk in the company of our brothers and companions gently, peacefully and kindly.  Further, I tell you very plainly and without any exception: do not become angry at all if that is possible.  Do not accept any pretext whatever to open the door of your heart to anger.  For St. James says bluntly and without reservation that the anger of man does not work the justice of God (1:20).

 

We ought, indeed, to resist the evil and restrain the vices of those in our charge constantly and courageously but gently and peacefully.  Nothing calms down an angry elephant so quickly as the sight of a little lamb and nothing breaks the force of cannon balls so easily as wool.  We do not accept correction given in anger, even though reasonable, so well as the one that has no other origin than reason alone.  For the rational soul is naturally subject to reason and is subject to passion only through tyranny.  Reason accompanied by passion become odious, its rightful dominion being degraded by its association with tyranny.

 

The princes bring incomparable honour and comfort to people when they visit them with a peaceful retinue.  But when they come with armies, though for the welfare of the people, their visits are always disagreeable and harmful.  Even though they enforce the exact observance of military discipline on the soldiers, they cannot, however, do it so effectively that no disorder occurs in which a good civilian is oppressed.  In the same way, when reason governs and peacefully administers punishments, corrections and admonitions, everyone loves and approves it even though it is done strictly and exactly.  But when reason brings with it anger, fury and wrath which, according St. Augustine, are its soldiers, it renders itself more terrifying than lovable; the very heart of reason remains always oppressed and ill-treated.  The same St. Augustine says in writing to Profuturus:

 

It is better to deny entry to just and reasonable anger rather than welcome it, however small it may be.  Because once it is let in, it is difficult to drive it out;  in so far as it enters as a little shoot and in no time grows and becomes a tree.

 

If once our anger can gain the night and the sun sets over our anger (which the Apostle forbids, Eph. 4:26) it turns itself into hatred.  There is hardly any means of getting rid of it.  For it nourishes itself on a thousand false pretexts since no angry man ever thinks his anger to be unjust.

 

It is better to learn to live without anger than to try to make a wise and moderate use of anger.  When we find ourselves surprised by it due to our imperfection or weakness, it is better to repel it promptly than to bargain with it.  Even in the little delay offered to it, it makes itself mistress of the place, like the serpent which draws easily the whole of its body where it can put in its head.  But you will ask: how can I repel it?  You should, my dear Philothea, at the very first feeling of anger gather promptly all your strength not too roughly or impetuously but gently and yet seriously.  We often see, in the sessions of several senates and parliaments, that the ushers crying out “Silence” make more noise than those whom they want to silence.  So too it happens many a time that, by trying to repress anger violently, we stir up more agitation in our hearts than anger itself would have done.  The heart thus agitated can no longer be master of itself.

 

After this gentle effort, put into practice the advice given by St. Augustine in his old age to the young bishop Auxilius:

 

Do what a man should do.  If what the man of God says in the Psalm happens to you: My eye is troubled with great anger, have recourse to God crying: Have mercy one me Lord (Ps. 30:10) so that he may stretch his right hand to restrain your anger.

 

I mean that, when we see ourselves agitated by anger, we must implore the help of God, following the example of the Apostles tossed about by the wind and the storm in the midst of the waters (Mt. 8:24-26).  For he will command our passions to be still and there will be a great calm.  But I wish to make you aware that the prayer which is made against a present, pressing anger ought to be gentle, tranquil and not violent.  This is to be followed in all the remedies we use against this evil.

 

Moreover, as soon as you perceive that you have acted with anger, make reparation for the fault by a prompt act of gentleness towards the same person against whom you were irritated.  For just as the best remedy against lying is to disown it as soon as we become aware of it, in like manner, it is a good remedy against anger to correct it instantly through a contrary act of gentleness; as they say, fresh wounds are easily healed.

 

Besides, when you are at peace and without any anger make a great provision of gentleness and kindness.  Do this by saying all your words and doing all your actions both small and great with the utmost gentleness possible.  Recall to mind that the Spouse of the Song of Songs has honey not only on her lips and at the tip of the tongue but has it also  under the tongue, that is to say in her breast; not only honey is there but also milk (4:11).  For we should have not only kind, words for our neighbour but also the whole heart, that is, the whole interior of our soul.  We should not only have the sweetness of honey which is aromatic and fragrant, in other words, the sweetness of polite conversation with strangers but also the sweetness of milk among the members of our family and close neighbours.  Those who seem to be angels in public fail in this by being devils at home.

 

 

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

[1]  Pietro Mattioli (1500-1577), Italian Physician and botanist.

​

 

Back to Top

​