Salesian Literature

Chapter 39:  Chastity in married life[1]

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 The marriage bed should be spotless (Heb. 13:4) as the Apostle says, that is, free from immodesty and other unholy defilements.  Also, holy marriage was first established I the earthly Paradise.  There was no disorder of concupiscence, nor anything immodest till the fall.

 

There is some similarity between sexual pleasure and that of eating since both concern the body.  However, the former on account of its brutal impetuosity, is specifically called carnal.  I will explain therefore what I cannot say of the one by that of the other.

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1. Eating is directed to the preservation of life.  Eating, simply for the nourishment and preservation of life, is good, holy and recommended.  So too acts required for the generation of children and the multiplication of persons in marriage are good and very holy, since this is the principal purpose of marriage.

2. To eat not only for preserving life but also for promoting fellowship and sociability, which we must have for another, is sometimes very just and honest.  In the same way, the mutual and lawful satisfaction of the husband and the wife in marriage is called marital duty (1Cor. 7:3) by St. Paul.  But is so great a duty that he does not wish one of them to abstain from it without the free and voluntary consent of the other, not even for the sake of the exercise of devotion (1 Cor. 7:5).  It made me give them advice mentioned in the chapter on Holy Communion on this subject[2].  How much less, then, can they abstain from it for a whimsical show of virtue or due to anger and contempt!

3. Those who eat because of the obligation of mutual sociability must eat freely and not by force.  Moreover, they are to show some appetite.  Similarly the marriage debt should always be rendered faithfully, frankly and just as if it were with the hope of begetting children, even though sometimes there may be no such hope.

4. To eat not because of the first two reasons mentioned above but only to satisfy the appetite is something tolerable but all the same not praiseworthy.  The mere pleasure of the sensual appetite is not sufficient reason to make an action praiseworthy.  It is enough that it is permissible.

5. To eat not from mere hunger, but in excess and from disorder, is something more or less blameworthy in so far as the excess is great or little.

6. Now, the excess of eating does not only consist in too large a quantity but also in the manner and way of eating.  It is surprising, dear Philothea, that honey so good and wholesome for bees nevertheless may become quite harmful to them.  Sometimes it makes them ill, when they eat too much of it in spring.  It upsets them and sometimes it makes them die inevitably when their heads and wings are covered with honey. In fact, marital intercourse which is so holy, so just, so commendable and so useful to society is nevertheless dangerous on certain occasions to those who exercise it.  Sometimes, it makes them die by mortal sin.  This happens when the order established for the generation of children is violated and perverted.  In such cases, in so far as one is more or less led astray from this order, the sins become more or less detestable but always mortal.  Since the procreation of children is the primary and principal end of marriage, it is never lawful to turn away from the required order.  Nevertheless, it is not possible to effect it in some particular circumstances as in the case of barrenness or pregnancy which prevents begetting and generation.  In such case sexual intercourse does not cease to be just and holy provided the laws of generation are followed. No casual circumstance can ever go against the law which governs the principal aim of marriage.  Indeed, the shameful and detestable action which Onan committed in his marriage was abominable before God, so says the Sacred Scripture in the thirty-eighth chapter of Genesis.  Some heretics of our age, a hundred times more blameworthy than the Cynic of whom St. Jerome speaks in his commentary on the Letter to the Ephesians, hold that it was the depraved intention of this wicked man that displeased God.  Scripture, however, speaks quite otherwise, and declares specifically that the act itself which he committed was detestable and abominable in the sight of God.

7. It is a true sign of a beggarly, ignoble, mean and shameful spirit to think of food and eatables before the time for meals.  More so, when after meals, one takes delight in the pleasure which one had in eating: enjoying it by words and thoughts, and revelling one’s spirit in the memory of the pleasure one had in swallowing the mouthfuls.  Such are those who before dinner keep their minds on what is being cooked and after dinner on what was eaten.  They deserve to be scullions[3] in the kitchen who, as St. Paul says, make a God of their belly (Ph. 3:19).  Persons of honour do not think of the table except when they sit down.  After the meal, they wash their hands and mouth in order to have neither the taste nor the smell of what they have eaten.

 

The elephant is only a huge beast but the most dignified and most intelligent animal which lives on earth.  I wish to tell you an instance of its excellence.  It never changes its mate and loves tenderly the one it has chosen.  However, it does not mate with it except every third year, and that for five days only, and so secretly that it is not seen doing this act.  Nevertheless, it is seen on the sixth day on which before anything else, it goes straight to some river.  There it washes completely its whole body without any wish to return to the flock before it is purified[4].  Are not these beautiful and chaste characteristics of such an animal an invitation to the married?  They are not to remain entangled in attachment to sexual pleasures which they have experienced according to their vocation.  Whey they are over, they are to wash their hearts and affection for them, and purify themselves as soon as possible.  Thus, soon after, they can practise with freedom of spirit other purer and more noble actions.

 

The perfect practice of the excellent teaching which St. Paul gives to the Corinthians consists in this counsel: the time is short, he says, it remains that those who have wives be as if they do not have any  (1 Cor. 7:29).  According to St. Gregory, he who has a wife as if he has not any, man that he takes such bodily comforts with her that by them he is not turned away form his spiritual aims.  What is said of the husband extends reciprocally to the wife.  Let those who use the world, says the same Apostle, be as if they do not use it (1 Cor. 7:31).  Let all, therefore, use the world, each one according to one’s state of life, but in such a way that they do not attach their love to it.  They ought to be free and ready to serve God as if they do not use it at all.  “It is the great evil of man”, says St. Augustine, “to wish to enjoy things which he should only use, and to wish to use those which he should only enjoy.”  We must enjoy spiritual things and only use bodily things.  When the use of bodily things is turned into enjoyment, our rational soul becomes brutal and irrational like an animal.

 

I think that I have said all that I desired to say and made clear without saying it what I did not want to say.

 

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[1] Literally, “Sanctity of the Marriage Bed”

[2]  Part II, Chapter 20

[3]  Boys or men who do rough work in the kitchens of noblemen.

[4]  Pliny

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