Salesian Literature

Chapter 24:  Society and solitude

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To seek the company of others and to shun it are two blame-worthy extremes in the devotion of people living in the society of which I am going to speak to you.  To keep away from such company shows disdain and contempt of our neighbour and to search for it manifest idleness and aimlessness.  We should love our neighbour as ourselves.  To show that we love him, love ourselves we ought to abide in ourselves when we are within ourselves.  We are within ourselves when we are alone.  Think of yourself, says St. Bernard, and then of others. Hence, if there is no urgent need for you to seek company, or to receive someone at home, remain within yourself and reflect within your own heart.  In case there is need to converse or some good reason demands your presence in society, go there, Philothea, in the name of God and meet your neighbour with a joyful heart and look at him lovingly.

 

We term bad company that in which we engage for some evil purpose or when those who come together are vicious, indiscreet and dissolute.  For these reasons, we are to turn aside from it as do the bees from a swarm of horse-flies and hornets.  The sweat, breath and saliva of those who are bitten by a mad dog are dangerous, especially for children and those of a delicate constitution.  So too, it is not possible to frequent these vicious and dissolute persons without risk and danger, above all for those whose devotion is still tender and weak.

 

There are some social gatherings useless for anything else than recreation.  These take place by mere change from serious occupations. Though we must not be addicted to them yet we can give them some time meant for relaxation.

 

Other social gatherings have propriety as their purpose such as mutual visits and certain meeting for honouring the neighbour.  We are not to be too scrupulous in keeping them up.  So too we must not be impolite by holding them in contempt.  But we must fulfil the duty which we have with modesty so as to avoid equally rudeness and thoughtlessness.

 

There remain useful social gatherings such as those of devout and virtuous persons.  Philothea, it will be always very beneficial to meet them often.  The vine planted among olive trees bears oily grapes which have the taste of olives.  A person who finds himself often in the company of virtuous people cannot but share their qualities.  Drones alone are not able to make honey, but they help the bees to make it.  It is of great help for us to associate with devout persons in order to progress in devotion.

 

In all gatherings artlessness, simplicity, gentleness and modesty are always to be preferred.  Some persons do nota ssume any posture or make any movement except with so much affectation that everyone is annoyed.  Such a person who does not like to walk without counting his steps, nor speak without singing would be troublesome to others.  Similarly they who bear an affected demeanour and do not do anything without a fixed pattern pester social gatherings extremely.  There is always some kind of presumption in this type of people.

 

Generally, a moderate joy should dominate our dealings with others.  St. Romuald and St. Antony are very highly praised for their cheerful looks and words flowing with joy, gaiety and courtesy in spite of all their austerities.  Rejoice with those who rejoice (Rom. 12:15); I say to you once again, with the Apostle, Be always joyful but in Our Lord and let your modesty be manifest to all men (Phil. 4:4-5).  To rejoice yourself in the Lord, the subject of your joy should not only be lawful but also virtuous.  I say this because there are matters permissible yet unsuitable.  In order that your modesty is made known, beware of insolence which is without doubt always blameworthy.  To make someone fall, to sully another, to excite a third party, to harass a fool are foolish and insolent jokes and amusements.

 

Besides the mental solitude, to which you may turn in the midst of the greatest transactions[1], you must always love the real solitude of a place.  You need not go into the deserts like St. Mary of Egypt, St. Paul, St. Antony, Arsenius and other solitary Fathers.  Instead remain in your room, in your garden, or elsewhere for a short while.  There at will you may withdraw your spirit into your heart and refresh your mind by good reflections and holy thoughts, or by a short reading, following the example of the great Bishop Nazianzen.  Speaking of himself he says:

 

I walked alone with myself at sunset, or passed my time on the sea-shore.  For I was accustomed to make us of this recreation to relax myself and to shake off a little of my usual worries.

 

Then he describes the good thoughts he had which I have mentioned elsewhere[2].  Again, we have the example of St. Ambrose.  Speaking of him, St. Augustine[3] says that often entering his room (no one was refused entrance), he saw him reading.  After waiting for sometime, afraid of disturbing him, he used to turn back without saying a word.  He thought that this little time which remained for this great pastor for strengthening and refreshing his spirit after the rush of so many affairs must not be taken away from him.  Also after the Apostles had, on one day told Our Lord how they had preached and worked hard, he tells them: Come to the solitude and rest there for a while (Mk. 6:31).

 

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[1]  See Part II, Chapter 12

[2]  See Part II, Chapter 13

[3]  Confessions, Book 6, Chapter 3.

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