Salesian Literature

Vol. 2, CONFERENCE 9 : The last Conference

 

(Note": This folk consists of replies given by St. Francis de Sales to questions put to him by the Sisters of the Visitation of Lyons, on the feast of Saint Stephen (26 December), two days before his death in 1622)

 

He said to us as he entered: "Good evening, my dear daughters, I have come here to bid you my last farewell and to talk with you, because the Court and the world take everything else from us. At last, my dear daughters, I have to go away from you; I come to end the consolation I felt in being with you till now. What have you to say? Not much, I am sure. It is true that women always have something or the other to say. It is always better to talk to God than to men." We said to him: "My Lord, we wish to speak to you so that we may learn to speak to God." And he said: "Self-love makes use of this pretext. Let us do away with prefaces, What have you to say? But our Sisters feel embarrassed."

 

We asked him if it was not better and more simple to gaze at God's perfections than to look at the virtues of Superiors and Sisters. He answered by saying "No" and that it was not going against simplicity and that it was good to consider the virtues of Superiors and Sisters. But it would be wrong to look at their virtues in order to find out which one is more virtuous than another, in order to complain about and criticize their virtues and to find fault with them. That would be wrong, "We should not take it in this sense, but we have to look at their virtues so as to imitate them and draw good from them, and that is something else altogether. You would do well, then, if you looked at their virtues with a great charity so as to imitate them. God's perfections are so excellent and so eminent, that to help us in our weakness God chose to become a man so as to give us an example of what we should do to imitate him. It is good for us to bring to mind and to look at the example of the Saints so as to imitate them, and upon the King of Saints, our Lord and Saviour. It is written that Saint Anthony spent the whole year of his novitiate meditating upon the virtues of his confreres, and like a diligent bee, gathered from each one the honey which he required. The love of God cannot be separated from the love of neighbour, but it is always better to look at the virtues of our Lord.

 

"My Lord, there are some Sisters who spend so much of their time looking at the virtues of the Superiors, that they are always there to praise and applaud them." - "What? Do you do that sort of a thing here?" - "Yes, my Lord, there ate three or four of them who do that habitually". - "My daughter, you should not be affected by that. When the subjects notice that their Superior is somewhat vain and that she enjoys praise and affection, they praise her not for any other reason but only to be loved by the Superior. However, if they find that the Superior shows her dislike and displeasure when she is praised, they will not be so quick with their praises." - "What, then, should we do, my Lord, when we are praised?" - You should ignore it and take leave of the persons. But as for the subjects, when the Superior praises them for some good things they have done, they for their part should not go away, for sometimes it is necessary to praise. But the Superiors should never tolerate any one praising them in any way. But you should not be surprised, for where there is an accumulation of women, there is also an accumulation of praise and flattery".

 

"You want to know whether it is not a great weakness to desire after responsible offices and to lose your peace of mind when you are not offered any? - It would be wring to desire offices and to lose your peace of mind when you are not offered any; it is indeed a weakness to trouble your mind in seeking after honourable charges, We are always so glad to have something to show that we are worth far more than the others, like for instance to be Superior or Assistant, so we can display our great personality, for Reverend Sister directs and organises everything so well! - We are so pleased to show others that we can administer well. "If I were a Superior I would practise well the virtues, humility, charity." - "Yes, my dear Sister, our self-love likes so much to see others admire our greatness. The Reverend Sister is so gentle when she is raised up above the others and nobody ever says a thing to her; everybody just admires her excellent qualities. There is no doubt that people find in this a great means to feed their self-love. It is quite common to find this desire for high offices. There is nothing wrong in it, provided we do not deliberately foster it. You should hold all this in disdain. Religious Life is not where one desires and search for honourable posts- The people of the world and those who frequent the Courts do nothing else except to yearn and run after these dignities and distinctions. The Court is there only for this. But to hanker after posts in Religious Life is a sign that we are not very detached.

 

You have to be very careful of those people who live in constant fear of harbouring in their hearts the desire for high offices. They live in a continual state of apprehension and anxiety of mind. They are never relaxed and at peace. And while they are occupied with this constant fear, they leave their hearts open and the devil finding this opening casts this temptation inside. They are like the people who are always afraid of robbers; they leave their house but keep the doors open and during this time the robbers get in and do what they want. You should not be worried when you experience certain yearnings after honourable posts; as long as we are in this world our nature will go on producing them. We should also not live in continual fear that this earning wilt take hold of us, provided we keep the superior part of our wilt firmly fixed in God. Instead of wasting our time in futile fear, it is much better that we keep our heart in God and united to Him (for, in the end, we have to desire nothing and refuse nothing) and to place yourselves lie in the arms of divine Providence, not occupied with any desire, except what God wants to do with us. Saint Paul practised this abandonment from the very moment of his conversion- When our Lord made him blind, he said immediately: Lord, what You would like me to do (Acts 9:6) and he remained free to do whatever God would command him to do. All our perfection depends on this attitude.

 

You should not, then, hanker after honourable charges, because it prevents the union of our hearts with God, who finds His delight in lowliness and humility. "My lord, we are not to desire not only honourable charges but also all others" " Saint Paul warns us against seeking after distinguished charges and distinctions. It is somewhat tolerable to desire lowly charges; nevertheless even this desire is questionable, for Saint Paul writing to one of his disciples (2 Tim.2:22) tells him, among other things, not to entertain in his heart any desire. Saint Paul knew so much about this defect.

 

You want to know whether you may not desire lowly offices for they are more difficult and it seems that there is more merit in doing them for God than to remain doing nothing in your cell. - "Yes, my daughter, for David used to say that it was better to be lowly in of God's house than to be great among sinners (Ps.84;10) and he also used to say: How good it is that you have humiliated me that I may learn Your commandments (Ps. 119:71). Nevertheless, this desire is questionable and can be a purely human way of thinking. How do you know that by desiring after lowly and humble charges, you will have the strength necessary to assume the abjections and humiliations you will encounter there? We could feel a lot of disgust and bitterness because of the humiliation. And even if you probably feel the strength to endure the mortification and humiliation, what guarantee have you that you will always have it? You should consider all desire to take up charges, whether they are these or those, whether they are lowly or honourable, as temptations. Indeed, it is always better not to desire anything but to be ready always to obey. It is better to remain in your cell out of obedience, doing a little piece of work, reading, or doing something for the other, provided you do it with more love than someone in the kitchen who works there with great difficulty burning the eyes out, but doing it with less love. In fact, it is not through the multiplicity of our works that we please God but through the love with which we do them.

 

Furthermore, you should never think in terms of gaining more merit- As far as we are concerned, we should not look at the merit side of things. 1 do not like it at all when people always seek where there is more merit. Indeed, the Daughters of Saint Mary should never do this but work uniquely for the greater glory of God. If we could serve God without gaining merit, and that is not possible, we should desire to do so. It is to be feared that while choosing to do something which has more merit we lead our heart off astray. This happens to the hunters. When the hounds are filled with different scents, they are misled and the hunters easily lose their pack of hounds.

 

"tt is not what I wanted to say, my Lord, I did not mean to say that we have always to look where we can gain more merit. What I meant to say was that you can do more for God by assuming difficult responsibilities than by merely staying in your cell."-"It is not by me greatness of our work that we please God, but as I said, a Sister who does only a little piece of work in her cell, will merit more than another Sister who undertakes a toilsome task with less love. It is love which gives perfection to our works. I would go further. Consider a person who suffers martyrdom for God with one ounce of love, and gains great merit, for one cannot give more than one's life. But here is another person who suffers next to nothing but with two ounces of love; this person merits a greater reward, since it is charity and love which give value to our works. You know, or you ought to know, that contemplation is superior to action or the active life; but if in active life you find a deeper union with God then it is far better. If a Sister is in the kitchen holding a saucepan over the fire with more love and charity than another Sister, the fire itself will not come in her way; on the contrary it will help her and make her more pleasing to God. It happens so often that we are as well united to God in action as in solitude. I come back always to where there is more of love.

 

"The most perfect attitude is to desire nothing and to refuse nothing. All desires proceed from our nature and only help to disturb our minds and satisfy our self-love under the pretext of serving God. If through lack of courage you are more at ease to do some stitching in your cell, to avoid greater trouble, that is not a good desire. You should not wish to remain in your cell when you cannot be there, but do what you are doing for God, and remove all these desires from your heart. When will our Sisters not have so many desires and find all their joy in wanting and doing nothing else except what God wants, which is manifested to us in our Rules and by our Superiors?

 

"You ask if when you do not have courage to perform a task calmly, because you very much dislike doing it, you should speak about this to the Superior or just go ahead simply. - My dear daughter, you should not talk to the Superior about it, for it would be going against simplicity. I do not say that you cannot speak about it to her, if you wish to; but to remain simple, you should say it. It is dangerous [to speak about it] because self-love would make us say it for fear of being unable to do it well, to excuse ourselves if we happen to fail so that we are warned about it. This is quite dangerous and doubtful that we do it under the pretext of humility which is not at all the case. On the contrary, it is against humility. Whatever task I m given to perform, whether honourable or lowly, I would accept it in a spirit of humility without saying a word and would not speak about it in anyway, unless I am questioned about it. In which case I would simply tell the truth as I see it and nothing more".

 

You ask me if you should not tell about your inner feelings when you make your self-evaluation to the Superior. - Now, self-evaluation is a different thing. Yes, you have to say it, in all simplicity. However, I feel that when it is a question of small things which pass through our mind, we should share them between us and God, for they do not deserve our attention. If in the Religious Life, everybody went about choosing her own duties out of sheer caprice, would it not mean that each one wanted to do her own will? What does it matter to you that you face difficulties and perform duties, since they are all laid upon you by our Superiors who are God's representatives to you? David used to say: I was made like a beast of burden to carry your commandments 0 Lord (Ps. 7:22). He teaches us by that to be always submissive in everything that is commanded of us by God and our Superiors.

 

You ask me if our desires, even though they are involuntary, do not delay us much on our way to perfection. - No, my daughter- Our nature will go on producing them always. These involuntary desires, thoughts and impulses cannot do any harm at all to our progress in perfection. We see it well in Saint Paul who was tempted by a sting in the flesh. When this temptation became strong he asked Our Lord three times to rid him of it. Then he heard Our Lord who said to him: Paul, My grace is sufficient for you, my strength is perfected in your weakness (2 Cor 12:7-9). After that Saint Paul remained quiet and peaceful in his difficulty and temptation. Why should we, then, worry if we feel some hardship, so long as we go about doing our duty? Let the dog bark this morning against the moon, he can do nothing to us if we do not wish it.

 

Our Lord wished to give us the example in the garden of olives by accepting to feel the impulses against His Superior part. Even though His will was perfectly conformed to the will of His eternal Father, He nonetheless accepted to feel the loathings. But there is this difference between Our Lord and ourselves. He accepted to feel all these deliberately because of His love for us; being God He could have avoided them. But we have no such possibility, even though they are against our will.

 

You wish to know if it is not better to simply turn away your attention instead of struggling within yourself and persisting in rejecting the temptation. There is absolutely no doubt about it, my daughter. It is better to speak with Our Lord by simply diverting your attention than to struggle against and resist the devil. Simplicity is always to be preferred in everything. I am going to give you an example: if I were to get the desire to become the Pope and my thoughts turn towards the Papacy, I would only laugh at it and turn my attention from it by thinking how nice it would be in eternal life, and how God is loving, and how happy are those in heaven to rejoice in God. In doing so I would quite generously and gracefully turn my thoughts away. For while the devil was putting in my mind the desire for Papacy, I would speak to God about his beauty, or things like that.

 

You ask me if you should not worry if for two or three days you made no efforts to reject it but only kept your mind fixed on God. There is no doubt, my dear daughter, that it is better to keep yourself in the presence of God rather than waver and reflect on things happening around us and within us.

 

- You wish to know if you feel a great doubt and cannot keep your spirit calm because these desires and temptations lasted too long - would you have to mention it in confession? You may if you wish to and say: I accuse myself of having had the temptation to vanity during two or three days and I doubt whether I rejected it.

 

You ask: "My Lord, you say that we should desire nothing.  Should we not, then, desire God's love and humility? For Our Lord has said: Ask and it shall be given to you, knock and it shall be opened to you" - (Mt 7:7; Lk 11:9). "Oh, my daughter, when I say ask for nothing and desire nothing, I refer to things of the world; we can ask for what concerns virtues. When we ask for God's love we also include all the virtues; and when we ask for charity, we also include humility, so also about other virtues; for they are never separated from each other."

 

A question concerning the Novices: If a Novice who is in the community were to take up indifference - desire nothing, ask nothing - should we not be afraid that she does it through laziness and negligence of spirit rather than in reality? Would it not be better for her to devote herself to acquiring humility and other necessary virtues? - Oh, no, my dear daughter, if she is led along this path, there is nothing to be afraid of. For in desiring only to please God, she would practise all the virtues, and all that is necessary to please God; for God's love surpasses all virtues.

 

Someone asks: Is it not a sign that we are following our natural inclination when we avoid staying at the side of a Sister at recreation or when we start crying when we are warned? "Now, my daughter, it would be bad in winter, but not in summer, for then she would warm up the winter? Let me be more serious: yes, to do so would be to openly foster our natural feelings. As for tears, there are times when people cannot help but shed tears. Sometimes we are inclined to weep, especially when our Superiors are changed. Just to show that the Sister is not insensitive but feels it much. This does a lot of good to self-love to be recognized that we are so much obliged to them. That is only the weakness of young women."

 

You ask what you should do to make a good confession, - What do you want me to say? You know so much about it. However, I am quiet happy that you ask me these questions. I would say that Confession is something very important. Three things are necessary: The first is to approach it only for uniting yourself to God through the grace which we receive from this Sacrament. The Religious have great advantage over the people of the world in this that they are away from occasions of these great disunions because it is only mortal sin which separates us from God. Venial sins do not separate us from God, but they open a small separation between God and us. Through the virtue of this Sacrament we become reunited with God and regain our original state of grace.

 

"The (second and the) third condition is to approach it with purity and charity; instead of doing this many approach it quite perplexed and distressed. This explains why they simply do not know what to say. This has far-reaching consequence because often they put the confessors in a difficult situation because they can neither understand them, nor grasp what they want to tell them. Instead of confessing their sins they usually commit sin by their confession. We come across four important lapses in confession: the first is that we go to confess in order to unburden ourselves and to comfort ourselves rather than to please God and be united with Him. Then it seems to us that we experience great satisfaction, we have unburdened ourselves so well and said everything and think that this is enough as if our peace and rest depend on it. In this unburdenings which take a long time before the confessor we run the risk of mixing up others faults along with our own which we should never do. It is here that we run the risk of going wrong and even usually commit sins in confession".

 

"The second lapse about what people are going to say in confession. They make beautiful speeches and use a flowery language.  They narrate big stories in order make themselves admired. They appear to exaggerate their faults through their beautiful speeches and speak of a big fault or a grave sin in such a way that it seems to be a very small one. Consequently they fail to give the actual state of their conscience to the confessor". "The third lapse: Those who go to confession approach it with such great subtlety that instead of accusing themselves of their sins they excuse themselves through a great self-analysis, believing and fearing that others see their faults. If this is done deliberately, it can be something very harmful".

 

"The fourth lapse: There are people who find contentment in exaggerating their faults, and from a tiny fault they make a very serious sin. One or the other of these lapses are very serious. I wish that you say simply and candidly your faults just as they are. You have to go to confession purely to be united to God, with a sincere aversion for your sins and a firm determination to correct oneself.

 

The question asked is: If, in Confession, the sisters should make a clear distinction between obedience in matters of little or of much importance. Should they accuse themselves in these terms: Father, I accuse myself of failing to obey in a matter of grave importance or in a matter of little importance, or is it necessary to mention the matter quite simply as it is. Do we also have to  make a distinction between obedience to the Rule and the Constitutions, because some of them are merely counselled and others are absolutely commanded? - "My daughter, your question is very important; your confessions have to be so clear and complete that there is nothing more. I have never approved this manner of thinking.  You have to say things as they really are. Otherwise you put the confessors into difficulty; they do not understand you and think that the small faults you confess are in fact serious matters. If your disobedience concerns a matter of serious importance, mention it as it is, quite simply. It is different as regards small failures. For when you tell your confessor: "I accuse myself of having failed twice in obedience in a small and unimportant matter" this keeps the confessor at ease knowing that he is dealing here with insignificant matters.

 

"You have to pay quite a lot of attention to the circumstances of so many of these small faults, for in themselves the Rules and Constitutions do not bind at all under sin. Hence it is neither the Rule nor the Constitutions which cause the sin, but the situations and natural inclinations which would be the cause of sin. For example, the bell, which is for us God's voice, calls us to get up in the morning. But, I linger on for a quarter of an hour in bed. Who does not understand that it is not the Rules and Constitutions which cause us to sin, but it is a venial sin because of the laziness which is the cause of our disobedience. As for the Rules, my daughter, there is no doubt that the faults we commit against them are more serious than those we commit against the Constitutions;

 

for the Rules form the basis of the Religious Life, and the Constitutions merely give us the guidelines and the orientations we requite to observe the Rule faithfully. There is no need to confess about things which are merely counselled in the Rules and Constitutions, for there is no sin. However, there is the possibility of sin because of other factors, like contempt, and things like that. Contempt leads us to do much evil".

 

"You ask me, my daughter, if you should mention in your confession that in a fit of temper you did something like a small dispute on a light matter and in recreation without being aware of it when it happened. - Oh, no, my daughter, there is no matter for confession in something that happens by surprise and in simple recreation; there would be a matter for confession if you did not overcome it through an interior act. There is no sin if you break a Rule by surprise or through a sudden impulse. We commit a sin only through a deliberate consent of the will."

 

"You want to know whether you have to make a distinction between venial sins and imperfections when you make the examination of conscience. There is no doubt at all, my dear daughter, it is very good to do it, provided you know how to go about it Among two hundred there are not two who know to do it. Even the most saintly persons are not able to do it. That explains why they come with great confusion and a heap of imperfections to confession, without in any way noticing the difference between sins and imperfections. This very often creates difficulties for the confessors, because they have to find out whether there is sin there to give absolution. I will tell what happened to me once when I heard the confession of Blessed Mary of the Incarnation, when she was still in the world. After confessing to me two or three times, she accused herself of many imperfections, and when she finished speaking, I told her that I could not give her the absolution, since there was no matter for absolution, in all that she said to me. She was greatly surprised since she had never  made this distinction between sin and imperfection. When I became aware of that, I made her to add a sin she had committed in the past- and this is what you are taught to do- and she thanked me for the enlightenment I had brought to her, for till then she was ignorant of it. You see, then, how difficult it is, for even though she was so enlightened still she was ignorant for such a long time. However, it is not necessary to make this distinction if you do not know how to do it, since this great servant of God did not cease to be a Saint for not doing it. All the same, it is good to make the distinction whenever one can do so".

 

"You ask me what is the difference between venial sin and imperfection. Venial sins depend on the consent of our will, and where there is no consent of the will, there is no sin. For example, if I were to come here and ask to see the Superior and I tell her that I am sent to her by the Princess who sends her greetings or things like that-nothing like that ever happened. I simply made them up, so it is not of great importance; but if I were to do it deliberately, then it would be a venial sin. It is imperfection when we commit some fault by surprise without the consent of the will; for example, if I tell a story during the recreation, and in my narrative I slip in a few words which are not quite true but for the sake of recreation, and I realize only afterwards that I have done it. That is not a sin but an imperfection and it is not necessary to mention it in confession. There is no necessity at all to confess it, but you may do so if you have nothing else to mention. You have, however, to always mention a sin committed in the past because other wise you will not have matter for absolution".

 

Your question; "If we know for sure that we have committed venial sins, and we go to communion without going to confession because you said venial sins make a little separation between God and us." He replied: ""Oh, Jesus! Yes, my daughter, unless of course you want to deprive yourself of communion out of humility."

 

- "Could we not ask to go for confession outside the time set apart for confession for the whole community?" - If it is a day on which the whole community goes to confession, you can ask for it and you are not given the permission, you can go for the communion along with community without confession, unless you have too much remorse of conscience. In that case you can abstain from receiving communion with due permission. However, I do not  approve at all of going to confession on days other than those on which the whole community goes to confession for this can only make the others suspect that you have committed some serious sin".

 

You ask me: A Sister has an antipathy against another Sister, she informs us about it. This same Sister who has been informed puts up an insensitive attitude to show that the Sister who informed her has done wrong- Will there not be sin and matter for confession?

 

- "No doubt, my daughter. It is to foster her imperfection openly.  By her lack of sensitivity, she says a lie: "I lack sensitivity, or I am well informed and in the meanwhile she has done it in her mind".

 

One Sister said: "I have read something which I think would be useful to a Sister who commits lapses of which the book speaks. - Would it be bad if I tell her about the reading, purely out of love for her"? - "If you did it out of great zeal for the benefit of that Sister, it would not at all be something bad. We have to help our neighbour in the measure of our possibility and even warnings are to be directed to this end. Concerning this point, I remember the incident about Arsenius, who committed a little impoliteness about which you have heard (See Conference on Modesty). The gentleness with which these Saintly Fathers corrected him is admirable. It shows us how to give corrections gently, especially if we are dealing with elderly people.

 

You ask, if a Sister does not show any signs of improvement as regards her antipathy even after making her confession, does it mean that she loses the fruit of prayer. - Oh, no. certainly not, my daughter, but yes, she does lose the merit and the delight of good conversation and she is not doing her duty to the Community.

 

One Sister asked what we should do when the Superior accuses us of having done something which we have not done. - "To this I reply, my dear Daughter, by asking you to make two acts of virtue, when, the Superior says to you: Tell me Sister, did you do such a thing? If you have not done it, you should reply quite simply and humbly and tell the truth. If, however, she keeps on insisting that you have certainly done it, make two acts; one of submission and the other of humiliation, because, she still thinks that you have done wrong.

 

Another Sister asked: Should we show eagerness to get something taken to the Superior when we feel that she is in need of it; or should she keep calm believing that the Superior had enough spirit of the Rule to ask on her own if she required something. - "To this I reply, my dear daughter, that there are two kinds of Superiors: some are very strict and austere towards themselves. These will not normally be expected to ask you to do something for them. But sometimes you could anticipate their need for something with discretion. However, I assure you that Superiors feel bound to a holy austerity in their observance of the Rules. This makes them more reserved. There are other Superiors who are too tender and too free. They all take quite willingly some relief. There is no need for you to compel them- It is enough to give them, what they ask of you. If it happens that they ask for it too often, there is no remedy for it- You should not refuse to give what they ask for. When the Sisters notice that a Superior is a little too soft on herself, they follow her to make her take some remedies and to praise her in order to be loved by her. By acting like this, they show very clearly that they are not led by charity, for they show scarcely any interest in the other Sisters when they are ill. I would say that among all the Saints who are now in Heaven, few hit the bull's eye of virtues; some of them titled too far towards excessive austerity and very few of them remained within the bounds of a holy moderation. Similarly there are very few superiors who keep to this same holy moderation: some are too strict and others are too pliable.

 

"I have noticed in all our House that our Sisters do not at all make a clear distinction between God and feelings; nor between Faith and feelings. This is a serious fault. It seems to them that when they do not experience feelings about God, they are not living in the presence of God. It can happen, for example, that a person go to suffer martyrdom for God and he will not think of Him, except in his sufferings- However, even though he does not experience feelings of Faith, still he does not cease to draw profit from it, thanks to the initial commitment and he makes a great act of love".

 

"We have to desire nothing except the union of our heart with God. You, who are Religious are really happy. All your practices constantly lead you to it. You have only to do it without wasting time on desires. It is here that our saintly Father said his final farewell to our Sisters of Lyons, on the feast of Saint Stephen in the evening. He died on the feast of the Holy Innocents in 1622.

 

When he saw those who came to fetch him with lighted torches, he was surprised at first and said to them: "What do you want me to do? I could pass the whole night here without thinking of it. I have to go, then; well, here is a call of obedience! Good-bye, my dear Daughters'"

 

Our Mother then very humbly asked him to tell what he wanted most to remain engraved upon our hearts, he answered": What do you wish that I say to you, my dear Daughter? I have said everything to you in these two words: Refuse Nothing, Desire Nothing. I have nothing else to add. Do you see this infant Jesus in the crib? He suffers from all the inclemencies of the weather, from cold and everything else His Father allows to happen to Him. He does not refuse the little comforts His Mother lavishes upon Him. It is not written anywhere that He ever stretched out His hands to reach out to His Mother's breasts, but left all that to her care and solicitude. And so, we have also to desire nothing and refuse nothing, and accept all that God sends us: cold and all the harshness of the weather"-

 

We asked him if he would liked to warm himself since the fire was lit. "You see well enough", he said, "that obedience calls me to warm up myself a bit provided it is not with over-eagerness".

 

May God Be Praised!

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