Salesian Literature

Vol. 1, CONFERENCE 4 : Love for others

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There are certain kinds of love which are considered to be very great and perfect in the eyes of people but which are insignificant and worthless before God.  This is because such forms of friendship are not grounded in true charity, which is God (1 Jn. 4:8, 16).  Rather, they are founded on certain relationships and natural attractions, and on some requirements which are, humanly speaking, gratifying and praiseworthy.  On the other hand, there are certain other sorts of love which are considered to be quite empty and meaningless in the eyes of the world, but which before God are good and indeed excellent, for they are wholly for God and in God, without any mixture of our own personal interest.

 

Charitable actions which are done with regard to people we love in this fashion are a thousand times more perfect, especially since everything is done entirely for God.  But the services we render, or whatever other help we give, to those we love with a natural feeling have much less merit because of the greater gratification and satisfaction we get by doing so.  And generally speaking we do all that because we are urged by our natural gratification rather than by love for God.

 

There is another reason why the first kinds of friendship I have mentioned have less value than the other.  It is because they are not guaranteed to last.  Since they are founded on reasons which are fragile, as soon as some difficulty arises, they begin to weaken and change.  This never happens to love and friendship we have in God, because they are grounded on a solid and permanent foundation.

 

St. Catherine of Siena gives us a beautiful illustration concerning this point.  She says: “If you take a glass and fill it with water at a fountain and drink from it without removing it from the fountain, the glass will never get empty, even if you drink to your heart’s content.  But if you remove the glass from the fountain, and drink from it, the glass will be empty.”

 

It is the same thing with love and friendship.  If we do not take them away from their source, they never run dry.  Tender expressions of love and marks of friendship which we show to persons whom we dislike, going against our natural inclination, are far better and more pleasing to God, than those we give purely from natural affection. We should not call this insincerity or pretence.  Even though it is true that I feel a contrary emotion, I do so only in the lower self.  What I really show in my actions I do with the power of my reason, which is the most important part of my self.  It follows, then, that the person to whom I give these marks of affection should not feel hurt that I do this in spite of the aversion I have for him.  On the contrary, he should show greater appreciation for them than if they came from a natural affection.

 

You must know that these dislikes are natural and not evil in themselves, when we do not follow them.  On the contrary, they are the means of practising all kinds of virtues.  Our Lord himself will be more pleased with us when we kiss his feet, with a great repugnance to do it, than if we were to kiss them with a great deal of delight.  And so, those who feel that there is nothing worth loving in them are happy because they can be sure that the love that others have for them is excellent, for it is all in God.

 

It happens often that we think we love a person for God, but in reality we love that person only for ourselves.  We make use of the person’s virtues as an excuse, saying that they are the reason for our love.  Not at all. In reality we do it only for the consolation we get out of it.  Is it not much more pleasant to relate to a person who is full of affection, who follows your advice very carefully, and walks faithfully and calmly the path you have shown, than to deal with another person who is perhaps always disturbed and ill at ease, weak in doing good, and who has to be told the same thing a thousand times?  No doubt you receive a great deal from the virtuous person.  It is not, then, for the sake of God that you love this first person. The second person belongs to God as much as the first, and you must love him very much because he gives you the opportunity to do much for God.

 

It is true that where there is more of God, that is, of virtue, which is a sharing in God’s own perfections, we must give more of our love.  For example, you could find a person who is more virtuous than our spiritual Father.  In that case, we should love him much for that particular reason.  Nevertheless, we should love our spiritual Father much more, because he is our father and guide.

 

We should love the good that we see in our neighbour, just as we should love the good that is in us.  This is especially true in religious life, where everything has to be shared in common.  We should never get in any way annoyed if a Sister practises some virtue or the other at our expense.

 

Let us take an example: I find myself in front of a door with a younger Sister beside me.  I take a step backwards and let her pass before me.  To this act of humility on my part, she should gently show a corresponding at of simplicity, hoping to find another occasion to let me pass before her.  Similarly, if I offer her a chair to leave my place to let her have the seat, she should be happy that I make this little profit in which she shares by the same action.  As if she were to say: “Since I myself could not do this act of virtue, I am indeed very glad that this Sister has done it.”  And so, we should not only get annoyed at such times but rather be ready to do everything we can to encourage this, if necessary even sacrificing anything we greatly need.  So long as God is glorified, it should not matter to us how he is glorified and by whom he is glorified.  And so if some virtuous deed had to be done, and if it could happen that Our Lord were to ask us: “Which of the Sisters would you best like to do this virtuous deed?”  We should answer him: “Lord, the Sister who can do it best for your glory.”  But if we had no such choice to make, then we should offer ourselves to do it, for charity first begins with oneself. But if we are not able to do it, we should rejoice and be pleased and extremely delighted that someone else does it.  And thus we shall perfectly put everything in common (Acts. 2:44; 4:32).

 

The same is to be said about material goods.  So long as the house is well provided, we should not worry at all whether that is done through our help or through somebody else.  Whenever you find these little attachments, it is a sure sign that there still exists some spirit of “Yours” and “Mine” in the community.

 

We shall never know the exact state of our own perfection, for it is somewhat like the experience of those who sail the high seas.  They do not know whether they are going forward.  But the Captain, who is master of the art of navigation knows.  So, too, we cannot judge of our own progress, but certainly of the progress which others make.  For we can never be sure, when we do a good deed, that we have done it as perfectly as we could, and humility would prevent us from thinking so.  Now, even though we can observe the virtues of another person, we should never judge one to be more excellent than another.  Appearances are deceitful.  This person who seems to be full of all kinds of virtues, from the exterior, and in the eyes of the people, is perhaps less so before God than another person who appears more imperfect.

 

Humility is not just charitable.  It is also gentle and supple.  Charity is humility which soars up, and humility is charity which comes down.  Humility will reach up to the highest stage of its perfection when we shall no longer have any will of our own left.  Humility is the fulfilment of justice (Mt. 3:15).

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