Salesian Literature

Vol. 2, CONFERENCE 2 : Modesty[1]

 

You have asked me, What is true modesty?  I would say that there are four virtues which go by the name of modesty.

 

The first and the one which bears the name of modesty, par excellence, and above all others, is propriety in our external behaviour.  Two corresponding vices are opposed to this virtue: want of refinement in our gestures, in our bearing, that is, thoughtlessness.  The other vice, which is not less opposed to modesty, is as ostentatious bearing.

 

The second virtue which bears the name of modesty is the interior decorum of our understanding and will.  This virtue also has two corresponding vices.  They are the curiosity, of our understanding to know and to hear everything and inconsistency in our undertakings, going form one exercise to another without fixing our attention on anything.  The other vice is a certain foolishness and carelessness, a state of mind which does not even care to know, or to learn about things necessary for our perfection, a defect in no way less dangerous than the first.

 

The third virtue which bears the name of modesty is to be found in our conversations and words, that is, in the way we speak and talk with our neighbour.  We should avoid two vices opposed to this virtue.  They are: incivility and gossiping.  Incivility prevents us from doing whatever we can to maintain a steady flow of conversation, chattering makes us talk so much that we leave hardly any possibility for someone else to put in a word.

 

The fourth virtue which goes by the name of modesty is cleanliness and decorum of dress.  The two vices opposed to it are: slovenliness and superfluity.  So there you are!  Now tell me, on which of these four types of modesty do you wish that I speak to you?

 

The first type of the virtue of modesty is strongly to be recommended for several reasons:

 

Firstly, because it greatly subdues us.  No other virtue calls for such minute attention to details.  Its great value lies in that which it makes us submissive; for all that is surrendered to God is of great merit.  I really do not like to use the word merit, especially, when I speak to you.  But I mean that it is infinitely pleasing to God.  The second reason is that it does not make us submissive only for a time, but all the time, in all places, whether we are alone or in company, at every moment even when sleeping.  A great saint wrote to one of his disciples that he went to bed modestly in the presence of God.  He did it in such a way as if Our Lord still living on earth before his passion and death were to command him to go to bed and sleep in his presence.  Although you do not see him and hear him giving you this order, yet you do not leave out doing it since in fact he is present and looks at you when you sleep.

 

How modestly and devoutly we would go to sleep if we were to see him!  We would, doubtless, cross our arms on our breast with great devotion.  Modesty, then, keeps us in check always, throughout our life, since the angels and God Himself are always present and before whose eyes we remain modest resolved to practise and observe the virtue of modesty!

 

This virtue is also highly recommended because of the good example it gives to our neighbour.  I would say that this simple external modesty has converted many people.  We have this example in the life of St. Francis of Assisi.  He once passed through a city with such modesty in his bearing that, even without uttering a word, a great number of young men followed him attracted by this example alone to be instructed by him.

 

Not long ago, a Capuchin Friar brought a member of his Religious Order to meet me and he said to me: See this Friar, He never preaches and speaks rarely to anybody and lives a secluded life.  Nevertheless his modesty alone has attracted many others to our Order.  Modesty is a silent preaching; it is a virtue that is highly recommended by St. Paul to the Philippians (4:5) when he tells them: “let your modesty be manifested to all”, and he tells his disciple Saint Timothy (1 Tim. 3:3) that the bishop should be adorned.  He means that the bishop should be adorned with modesty and not with silk garments, so that by his modest bearing, he can infuse confidence in one and all to approach him, avoiding, at the same time, thoughtlessness and incivility, so that, giving to the people the world the freedom to approach him; they do not think that he is worldly like them.

 

The virtue of modesty takes three things into account: time, place and persons.  Do you not think that someone who laughs during recreation only as much as he laughs outside the time of recreation would be considered troublesome?  There are actions and bearings which could be considered immodest in certain given circumstances and not in others.  Similarly, he who likes to laugh during serious business and relax his spirit as one does very reasonably during recreation, will he not be thought of as thoughtless and immodest?  Likewise, we have to respect the place, the persons, and the conversation in which we are engaged.  The modesty of a woman living in the world is quite different from the modesty of a Religious.  If a young lady living in the world were to keep her eyes lowered like our Sisters she would not be highly regarded; so too, our Sisters if they did not keep the modesty of the eyes more strictly than the women in the world.  What is deemed to be modesty in one, is considered as immodesty in another due to the rank.  To be serious befits and elderly person.  This would, however, be pretence in a younger person to whom a form of modesty that is humble and inconspicuous is more suitable.

 

I would like to tell you now about something I read not long ago, since I have believe it has some bearing on what I am saying on this topic of modesty. It is about the great St. Arsenius chosen by Pope St. Damsius to bring up and instruct the son of the great emperor Theodosius who was to succeed him as emperor.  The Emperor Theodosius, being a pious and devout Catholic, wanted his son to be brought up in such a way that he would, one day, be his worthy successor.  He wrote to St. Damasius requesting him to find a capable tutor for his son.  St. Damasius sent him Arsenius.  Now, this Arsenius was fed up with all the vanities of the world although he lived in the court a quite Christian and honourable life.  And so, Arsenius made up his mind to quit all these and go into the desert to live with the holy hermits, w ho lived thee.  He put this plan immediately into execution.

 

The Desert Fathers, who had heard about the great fame and virtue of Arsenius, received him gladly and cordially into their community.  In this community, Arsenius made the acquaintance of two Religious, one of whom was called Pastor. He became very friendly with both of them.  One day, when all the Fathers came together to listen to a spiritual conference (for it has always been the custom among pious persons), one of the Fathers informed the superior that Arsenius was habitually committing an act of immodesty:  He was crossing his legs one over the other.  It’s true, said Father Superior, I myself have seen it; but he is a good man, who lived so honourably in the world. He has brought this habit from the court.

 

Now, he was embarrassed to upset Arsenius by correcting him on such a small thing, since there was nothing sinful about it.  On the other hand, he was earnest about correcting it since there was nothing else in him about which one could find fault.

 

The monk, Pastor, said to him: “Father, don’t trouble yourself.  It is not a big problem, after all, to bring it to his notice.  He is a good man and he will accept it well.  If you agree, tomorrow in our community meeting, I shall take up the same posture as Arsenius, and you will correct me in front of everybody, for doing so, and thus he will understand that he should not do it.”  And this was done.  When the Father Superior made this correction to Pastor, good Arsenius threw himself on the ground, humbly asked for pardon, declaring that even though Father Superior had not noticed him doing it, nevertheless, he himself had always made this same mistake since this was the common behaviour at the Emperor’s court.  Even though he asked to be given some penance, he was given none.  Henceforth, they never saw him in this posture any more.

 

I find several lessons in this story.  I think, in particular, of the discretion and restraint exercised by the Superior in correcting Arsenius and in not wanting to embarrass him in a matter of such little importance.  At the same time, however, he sought for means to correct it.  This shows how concerned the Fathers were about the observance of modesty, even if it was only in little, insignificant things.

 

We should also admire the humility of Arsenius in acknowledging his fault, and his faithfulness in being open to correction, even though it was just a small thing and not even considered as something immodest in the court though it was among these Fathers.  Besides, I feel also that we should not be surprised if we still find vestiges of the former way of behaviour in the world, since Arsenius himself had still this habit even after living for a long time in the company of the Fathers in the desert.  We are not able to do away with our imperfections very quickly.  We should never be surprised to find many of them in ourselves provided we have the good will to struggle against them.

 

No, my dear daughter, it is not an unsound judgement to think that if a Superior corrects somebody else for a fault I myself am committing like her, it applies to me also so that I may improve without being corrected.  We have to experience a deep sense of humiliation seeing that he recognized us as weak and knows that we will resent strongly if he made the correction.  We should love this humiliation and consider it as something precious.  It is also a wonderful thing to humble ourselves, as Arsenius did, and acknowledge that we are also guilty of the same fault provided we humble ourselves always, in a spirit of gentleness and praise.

 

You would like me to speak to you also about the virtues of modesty.  The second which is an interior virtue produces the same effects in the spirit as the first which concerns the body.  The first regulates the movements, gestures and bearing of the body, avoiding the two extremes, the two opposing vices of incivility, distraction, inattentiveness and ostentation.  This second virtue which is interior modesty maintains a powerful hold over our faculties and keeps them in tranquil peace, and in modesty (by faculties I mean understanding and will).  It avoids all forms of curiosity on which this interior modesty exercises a particularly strong hold; it also exerts a liberating action on the will, freeing it from a multitude of desires, simply employing it for the one thing necessary (Lk. 10:42) which Mary chose and which would not be taken away form her, that is, the determination to please God.

 

Martha is indeed a good example of the immodesty of the will, for she is in a hurry, puts all t he servants at home to work, going about her and there without stopping; so eager is she to give a heart welcome to Our Lord.  She things that there are never enough delicious dishes to bring joy to his heart.

 

Similarly a will that is not kept in restraint by modesty, changes from one subject to another in order to be stirred to love God and to look for many ways to serve him; and yet, so many things are not really required for that.  It is far better to stay close to God, as Mary did, to sit at his feet, and ask him to fill us with his love than merely wonder how and by what means we can obtain it.  T his modesty holds the will firm in using the means of making progress in the love of God, according to our own particular vocation.

 

I said that this virtue of interior modesty controls especially the faculty of understanding.  This is because the natural curiosity that we have is very dangerous, given the fact that we never know a thing perfectly in so far as we do not give enough time to learn it well.  In the same manner, we must avoid another extreme, a vice, opposed to this virtue; it is foolishness and carelessness of spirit which does not want to know what is necessary.  Now, this mastery over the understating holds a very important place for our holiness, for in the measure that the will becomes attached to a certain given thing, and if the understanding shows it the beauty of another, it weans the will away from the first.

 

One day, a Religious asked the great St. Thomas Aquinas how he could become such a learned man, and he replied: “by reading only one book.”  I have been reading these days the Rule which St. Augustine drew up for his Religious Sisters wherein he expressly mentioned that the Sisters should not read any other book except those given to them by their Superior.  He gave them same rule to his monks.  He had such a knowledge of the harm that the curiosity to know things, that are not necessary for us to serve God, can do.  Such things are really so few indeed!

 

Make you way in all simplicity, through the observance of your Rules and you will perfectly serve God without seeking to know other things than what is necessary.  The spiritual conferences and the sermons preached are not always intended to teach or to give information, but to refresh the spirit and give a new vigour to the spirit.  As Saint Bonaventure (whose feast we celebrate) told a religious that a simple woman is as much capable of loving God as the most learned man in the world.  We need very little knowledge and much practise in things pertaining to perfection.

 

Concerning this point, that is, about this eagerness to know about many means of achieving perfection, I remember two persons, two Religious of two well-reformed orders.  One of them, by reading the books of Mother Teresa or Avila learned so well as to speak like her that she looked like little Mother Teresa.  She thought of and imagined so much all that Mother Teresa had done during her life that she believed that she had to do the same even to the extent of experiencing mystical phenomena such as raptures, suspension of faculties just as she read the Saint had and she spoke about it very well.

 

There are several others who reflected on the life of St. Catherine of Sienna and also of St. Catherine of Genoa and thought to have become Saint Catherine.  These persons found at least some kind of self-satisfaction by their imagination that they have been saints even though their satisfaction was vain.

 

The other Religious Sister I said I knew about, was of altogether different temperament.  She was never satisfied in life because of over-eagerness to look for ways and methods of self-perfection.  The more she laboured to achieve perfection the more it seemed to her that there was always another way of making progress in perfection than the one she was taught.  The first Sister was happy in her imaginary sanctity and sought nothing more and desired nothing else, the second lived in a state of discontentment, because perfection seemed to have been hidden from her.  Hence she wanted always something else.  Interior modesty maintains a certain balance between these two states: in the moderation of desires to know what is necessary and nothing more.

 

You are to avoid the craving to use many words just to explain a subject which needs only a few words especially, in the matter that you mention, that is, when you want to excuse yourself.  Moreover, a lack of moderation in words is also a sort of imperfection by which one does not wish to be seen as weak and imperfect.  It is against humility which makes us love our humiliations.

 

I must add a word here to what I have already said about external modesty.  You just cannot imagine how much it helps to build up the interior and acquire peace and serenity of heart.  We have proof of it in our prayer.  All the saintly Fathers who were committed very much to prayer have taught that a very devout posture is of great help to prayer, like kneeling, holding our hands joined, folding our arms in the form of a cross.  All these are of immense service to keep recollected and remain concentrated in God’s presence.

 

You ask me if letting the head bent or lowered on the shoulder, or rolling your eyes is against modesty.  I answer to it: if it is done sometimes without thinking of it, there is nothing very wrong provided that we do not pretend that such ways of acting are something important for the practice of devotion.  We must avoid feigned appearance since all that is pretended must be held in horror.  We are to avoid carefully the santificetur “Hallowed be” attitude when there is no nomen tuum “your name” after it.  I mean playing devout persons and saints in our external appearance as I once did.  There is no harm in mentioning it to you, by way of a diversion, especially since it concerns me!  When I was a young student in this city, I suddenly had a great fervour and eagerness to be holy and perfect.  I began to, imagine that to be a saint I had to lean my head on my shoulder while reciting the Office, because I had seen another student, who really was a saint, doing it.  I did it carefully for some time.  However, I did not become more saintly for all that!

 

Let us come back to the point.  The second virtue of modesty has been called by several an earnestness of the spirit, concentration of the heart, a concentrated gaze of the heart, that means taking a very special care to keep our mind, steady within the limits of holy modesty, wanting to know only what is necessary for us and pruning away curiosity about all other things.

 

The third virtue of modesty concerns words and the manner of conversing.  Some words would be considered immoderate always except in recreation.  At recreation rightly and on good grounds we must feel a little relaxed and be at ease.  Then those who speak or do not allow others to speak except about lofty and subtle topics lack moderation.  For did we not say that modesty must take into consideration the time, place and persons?

 

In this connection I should tell you what I read, the other day, about St. Pachomius.  When St. Pachomius first went to the desert in search of monastic life, he was assailed by great temptations.  The devil used to appear to him very often in different guises.  His biographer tells us that, one day, when St. Pachomius went to the forest to cut wood, a number of these infernal spirits came to frighten him.  They posed themselves as well-armed soldiers who kept guard and shouted to one another: Make place for the holy man.  St. Pachomius who knew well that this was all a performance of the Evil Spirit, started to smile and said: “You are joking about it?  I will really become one.”  Now, the devil seeing that he could not get the better of him this time, nor succeed, in making him depressed thought that he would ensnare him through joy because he laughed at the first encounter.  So the devil goes and ties a number of huge ropes to the leaf of a tree, and several of them start pulling these ropes, pretending to pull down with great force, yelling at one another, and sweating as though they were doing an exhausting work.  The good St. Pachomius, lifting up his eyes to heaven at seeing this madness, brought before his mind the picture of Our Saviour on the tree of the Cross, and made the sign of the Cross.  The devil, seeing that the saint gave his full attention to the fruit of the tree and not at all to the leaf, went away filled with shame and confusion.

 

There is a time for laughing and a time for not laughing (Eccl. 3:4) as also a time to speak and a time to keep silent as this great saint showed us in his temptations.  This modesty regulates our manner of speaking so that it is always pleasant, not too loud nor too soft, not too slow and nor too fast.  We have to keep ourselves within the limits of holy moderation, allowing others to speak whenever they wish to speak, without interrupting them because it arises from talkativeness and at the same time speak in our turn.  That avoids all rudeness and self-sufficiency which prevent us from being good at conversation.

 

The fourth virtue, also called modesty pertains to the clothes we wear and the manner of being dressed.  There is no need to speak at length on this matter, except that we avoid any lack of cleanliness that is untidiness and impropriety in the way we dress.  You have, of course to avoid the other extreme, that is, to be too careful in dressing well.  Do not try to show yourself off, and be stylish.

 

St. Bernard has strongly recommended cleanliness as being the external sign of internal purity.  There is something in the life of St. Hillarion which seems to contradict this.  One day, while speaking about it to a nobleman who had gone to see him, St. Hillarion told him that there was no use looking for cleanliness in a hair shirt; meaning to say that we should not care for the cleanliness of our bodies which he said, are nothing but stinking carrions, and full of infection.  However much this may have been admirable in this great saint, it is not to be imitated.  We should not be too fastidious, but at the same time we should not be dirty.

 

If I am not mistaken, what made the saint talk in this manner was because he was speaking to courtiers who were inclined to be fastidious and it was necessary to speak a little harshly to them.  Those who want to straighten a young tree not only straighten it at the bend which they wish to set right but even bend it to the opposite side so that it does not come back to the same position.  Here, then, is all that is to be said concerning modesty and it seems to be rather well said.

You wish to know what you should do to accept corrections willingly, without being sensitive or feeling bitter…

 

To prevent feelings of anger stirring in us and the blood flowing to our face will never be possible.  We would be happy to have such perfection a quarter of an hour before our death!  To keep resentment to such an extent that we even refuse to speak after these feelings have passed away with as much confidence, gentleness and serenity as before, this you ought to make a tremendous effort to avoid.

 

You say that you chase these feelings away, but they continue to remain.

-                 I answer to this, my dear daughter.  Perhaps you chase them away in the same way as the citizens of a certain town in which there was a riot in the night.  They chased the rebels and the enemies but they did not throw them out of their town.  Os they went hiding from street to street till daybreak.  Then they attacked the citizens and finally became their masters.

 

You are driving away the resentment on being corrected but not with sufficient determination and care that it keeps hiding somewhere, in a little corner of your heart – at least a small portion of the resentment lingers on.  You do not want to feel this resentment but at the same time you do not want to submit your judgement which makes you believe that the correction made was wrong, or it was made due to anger, or such like.  Who does not see that this rebel will eventually hurl himself at you and harass you with a thousand sorts of confusions, if you do not chase it far away promptly.

 

What, then, are you to do in such a situation? 

 

You should cling fast to Our Lord and talk to him about something else.  But your resentment does not calm down.  Rather it suggests to you to look at the wrong that has been done to you.  My God! It is not the time to submit your judgement so as to make it believe and admit that the correction made to you was in fact good, appropriate or not.  You have to do that after you have calmed down and been somewhat peaceful.  You should do nothing and say nothing as long as you are troubled if not to remain strong and determined not to give in to the passion even if we have reason to do so.  We will never be wanting in reasons at this time.  Crowds of these reasons will come to our minds.  We must not pay attention to even one of them, however good it may appear to be.  We have to keep ourselves close to God, as I said, and relax ourselves after making ourselves humble before his divine majesty.

 

Take a particular note of these words which I like to use again and again because of its usefulness: humble yourself with a humility that is gentle and peaceful and not with a humility that is sad and agitated.  It is a pity that we offer to God arrogant and fretful acts of humility and by means of these we do not calm our spirit and so these acts are fruitless.  If, however, we make these acts of humility before the divine goodness with a gentle confidence, we will be able to leave God’s presence completely serene, and peaceful.  We shall then be able to disown all the reasons which very often and usually are unreasonable which our judgement and self-love propose to us.  We shall then be able to go and speak with as much ease with those who have corrected us, as before.

 

You say that you do overcome your resentments and speak to the Sister concerned.  But if she refuses to speak to you, in the way you would like; it makes the temptation stronger.  All this comes from the same evil that we have already mentioned.  What does it matter if she speaks to you in this or that way, provided you do your duty?

 

When all is said and done, there is no person at all who does not feel a dislike at being corrected.  St. Pachomius, having lived 14 to 15 years in the desert a life of great perfection, once had a revelation from God that he would win over a great number of people, that many would come to the desert to place themselves under his guidance.  There were already some Religious living with him.  The first he had admitted was his elder brother John.  After this revelation, St. Pachomius began to expand his monastery by making a number of cells.  His brother John, however, either because he did not know about the plan Pachomius had in mind or because of his zeal for poverty, and being the elder brother, one day corrected him severely.  He asked him whether building such a monastery was the way to imitate Our Lord who did not even have place to lay his head (Mt. 8:20; Lk. 9:58) when He lived on earth.  It was a waste of time and the like.  St. Pachomius, a perfect man that he was, felt such a resentment at being corrected that he turned to the other side so that, if I am not mistaken, his face would not betray his feelings.  He then went down on his knees in God’s presence and asked pardon for his fault and expressed his sorrow at the fact that after having spent so many years in the desert he had not yet achieved self-control.  He prayed very sincerely, fervently and humbly that he obtained the grace never again to yield to impatience.

 

Even St. Francis of Assisi[2] felt this stirring of resentment on being corrected.  At the waning years of his life, after all the raptures, and mystical union he had experienced and done so much for God’s glory and after he had overcome all sorts of obstacles in the path of perfection, one day he was planting some cabbages in the garden. It happened that a Brother noticing that he was not doing it properly, corrected him.  This saint had such a powerful onslaught of anger at being corrected that he almost said half an insult to his confrere who had corrected him.  He opened his mouth to say it but controlled himself and clutching at the dung he was burying in the ground along with the cabbages, said to himself: Oh, wicked tongue!  I shall teach you a lesson if you want to insult your Brother!  And then suddenly he fell down on his knees and begged his Brother to forgive him.

 

Now, I ask you, in all likelihood, why should we be surprised if we find ourselves inclined to anger and resentment when somebody corrects or criticizes us?  We have to learn from the example of these great saints who straightaway mastered themselves, one of them turning to prayer and the other humbly asking forgiveness form his Brother.  They did not nourish in any way their natural feelings, but changed themselves and drew profit from the corrections.

 

You say that you accept correction willingly that you judge them to be fair and reasonable; but then, you find that you always feel somewhat ashamed before the Superior, especially, since you have displeased her by giving her occasion to be dissatisfied with you and this takes away the trust you had of going to her though you love the humiliation caused by your imperfection. This happens, my dear daughter, because of the urge of your self-love.  You may not be aware of it; there is a monastery within ourselves and self-love is the Superior there and hence imposes acts of penance.  This difficulty you have is a penance imposed on you by self-love because you have committed a fault irritating your Superior.  You think that she will not respect you as much as she would have done if you had not erred.

 

I think I have said enough for those who are corrected.  Now a word for those whose task it is to correct.  Apart from the fact that they have to exercise great discretion and take their time over it, they should never be hurt or surprised to discover that those whom they correct have some resentment even though it is not very evident.  It is indeed extremely difficult for a person to accept corrections.  I think I have said enough on this matter.  What more do you want to ask?

 

You ask: What can I do to make my spirit turn towards God in everything looking neither to the right nor to the left? 

 

I really like your question because it is also an answer.  You have to do exactly what you have said.  Go straight to God from everything, looking neither to the right nor to the left.  Maybe this is not what exactly you wanted to say.  You want to know what you can do to keep your mind firmly fixed in God that nothing could ever separate it nor draw it away from Him.  – Two things are necessary to do that. You must first die and be saved.  After this there will never be any separation from God.  Then your spirit will be totally attached and united to God.

 

You say your end has not come yet, but you wish to know what you can do to prevent the tiniest fly from ever drawing you away from God, as it seems to do.  You are doubtless referring to the smallest distraction.  – Well, let me tell you that the tiniest fly of distraction cannot draw you away from God’s presence, as you seem to imply.  Nothing can separate us from God, except sin.  In the strength of the resolution we took in the morning to keep our heart united to God and attentive to His presence, we shall always remain united to him, even when we are asleep, since we do it in God’s name and according to His will.  It seems to me that Our Lord says to us: sleep and rest well and during this time my eyes will be fixed constantly on you, to guard you and protect you from the roaring lion who goes prowling about in order to destroy you (1 Pet. 5:8).  You see, then, how right we are to go to sleep in all modesty, as I have already mentioned.  The way to do well whatever we are doing is to be attentive to God’s presence.  No one will offend Him realising that He is looked at by Him.  Even venial sins have no power to turn us away from the way which leads us to God, doubtless, they stop us a little on our way; nevertheless, they do not turn us away and still less the simple distractions.  I have told you about this in the Introduction.

 

As regards prayer, it does not become less useful nor less pleasing to God because of the multitude of distractions.  Provided we are faithful in withdrawing ourselves from these distractions and we do not willingly and purposely keep our mind on them, such a prayer would be more beneficial to us than if we were to experience great consolations.  Since this prayer involves greater effort.  It is the same when we experience difficulties during the course of the day.  We have to learn to stop and repose our hearts in God and think of divine things.  We have to take care to take complete possession of ourselves and to hold ourselves by the arms, as it were, so as not to chase after flies and butterflies like the mother who is much concerned about her child.  She knows that the child is delighted to run after butterflies hoping to catch them.  The mother, however, always holds it by the arm and says to it: My child, you will make yourself ill if you run after those butterflies in the sun.  it is better that you stay here near to me.  The poor child remains at his mother’s side until he sees another butterfly and would gladly run after it, too, if the mother were not to hold him back as before.  And what can we do there except to be patient and not get disgusted with our work, since we do it for the Love of God?

 

If I am not mistaken I think that when we say that we cannot find God and that He seems to be far from us, all we want to say is that we do not experience a feeling of His presence.  There is a difference between feeling God’s presence and being in God’s presence.  Doubtless that is what you want to say.  My dear Daughter, only God can grant us this grace, for it is not in our power to create this feeling of God’s presence in our life.

 

You ask: What should we do to keep ourselves constantly and with great respect in God’s presence, being aware all the time that we are not worthy of this grace.

 

There is no other way of doing it except the way you suggest, and that is, to acknowledge Him as our God and we ourselves as His weak creatures unworthy of this honour.  St. Francis of Assisi did it when he spent a whole night in prayer before God exclaiming: Who are you and who am I? Your question, you see, contains all the answers.

 

You ask me: what can I do to acquire the love of God?  By wanting to love Him.  Instead of thinking and seeking: what can I do to keep my heart united to God, put it into practice by a constant attention of your spirit to God.  I assure you that you will arrive faster at this union than by any other way.  For, the more distracted we are, the less are we recollected and hence more incapable of entering into communion with God, who wants us to surrender everything to him totally and unconditionally.

 

There are indeed some persons who waste so much time just wondering how they will do a thing that they scarcely have by time to do it.  With regard to our perfection which consists in our union with God, it is only a question of knowing little and doing much.  We must take up this task with a great spirit of simplicity.  People who go on asking for the shortest way to get to the town run of risk of arriving there later than those who, having taken the main road, do not turn away in search of another.  Some will tell you: You are not on the right track, this way is much longer.  You will have to turn back and take such a road.  while they are turning back, they cannot go ahead, just as they waste time asking for the way.

 

It seems to me that people who are asked to show the way to heaven are quite right when they answer as people normally do when somebody asks them the way to go to such and such a place: just go right ahead, putting one foot before the other and thus you will arrive at your destination.  Those who are desirous of reaching their perfection are always told to follow the way of their vocation in all simplicity, more earnest in doing than in seeking the shortest way.

 

I am going to say something very subtle now.  You must allow me to say it and not get offended.  It is this: you want me to teach you a ready-made way to perfection or a method of perfection so well-made that you have only to put it on just as you slip a coat on you.  Since I said it should be done, it was not found pleasing and we do not come across what we would like.  Of course if it were in my power I would be the most perfect man on earth.  If I could give it to others without doing anything I take it for myself in the first place.  We seem to think that perfection is an art; if ever we could discover its secret we would have it instantly without trouble.  Of course, we are mistaken.  There is no greater secret than to labour and toil faithfully in the exercise of the love of God, if we are serious about being united to the Well-Beloved.

 

I would like that you pay special attention to this: When I say that you ought to do this I always mean to speak of the higher part of your spirit.  As regards the repulsion experienced in the lower part, we should give as little attention to it as passers by give to the dogs who keep barking afar off.  Those who attend a banquet go about pecking at every dish and eat something of everything and then they get a stomach upset, due to indigestion and this prevents them from getting any sleep throughout the night and they are not able to do anything except be sick.  Similarly, some who want to know and get a taste of all the methods and of all the ways and means that can lead us to the heights of perfection, do likewise.  For, the stomach of their will does not have the strength to assimilate and put into practice so many means.  They begin to suffer from some kind of spiritual indigestion which hinders the peace and tranquillity of spirit to be close to Our Lord and that is the one thing necessary and which Mary chose and which will not be taken from her (Lk. 10:41).

 

Let us now move to your next question: What should I do to obey God and my Superiors, very simply and purely? 

 

This is a very good question which contains its own answer.  To obey purely is to obey God and our Superiors for the Love of God.  You can put several layers on the intention for which you are obeying.  For example, you can add to the intention of fulfilling the will of God, the promise of eternal reward because you know that the rewards of those who obey are eternal; moreover you know that the disobedient are deprived of eternal happiness. All that is good, but it is neither pure nor simple, because it is all mixed up.  Similarly, you obey your Superiors apparently out of Love of God, but to this intention you add others of which we have spoken besides a certain desire to please the Superior and to be honoured and esteemed by her.  This is not an obedience that is pure and simple for the Love of God.  This desire to please the Superior very often takes away form us both the merit of obedience and the peace of heart.  For, it can happen that as soon as we notice that the Superior is not too happy with us, instead of cherishing this abjection fondly and lovingly, form the depths of our hearts we get upset and troubled as though all our happiness depended on it.

 

Happy the sister who does nothing for her Superiors taking their personal qualities into consideration.  Thus she is faithful always to see God and His holy love in them and it will certainly do much good for her.

 

The aim and purpose of such obedience is extremely pleasing to God who should be our aim and not the rewards.  By doing this all kinds of superiors will be the same for us because we will see God in all.

You ask me, dear Mother, whether the Superiors can order their subjects to do things contrary to the Commandments of God and the Church?

 

Certainly not, even if it is done under the pretext of putting them to the test.  Their authority is subordinated, I mean, subject to the Commandments of God.  if, as far as I know about it, some Superiors have done so, I think they have done it in great simplicity.  This is true of those who commanded and of those who obeyed.  Simplicity excuses them.  Many have practised such obedience due to simplicity.  If they had more understanding they would not or should not have done it.

 

I would, however, add here that those Superiors who have been authorised by the Pope, have the power to dispense their subjects form the observances of some commandments of the Church, in case of necessity.  For example, the Superior notices that a certain Sister looks very feeble and somewhat ill on a day of fasting.  The Superior can and in fact should order the Sister, on her own, to refrain from fasting.  I say on certain days only and not all through Lent, for to do that a dispensation from the Confessor is necessary.  As regards forbidden food, dispensation from elsewhere is also necessary.

 

You are wondering whether this Sister is really so sick as to be dispensed from the obligation to fast.  Indeed you should not pay too much attention to fasting.  It is always better to lean towards charity rather than towards austerity; for that is the real intention of the church.  If, however, the sister thinks that she can fast without any difficulty, she can in all simplicity inform her Superior about it.  All the same, if the Superior insists that she should not fast, then the Sister should do so without any scruple.  If the Superior leaves the decision to your choice, then you are free to do what you want to.

 

One may take two or three slices of bread with a little wine in the morning and during the day without in any way breaking the fast.  Those who do so without necessity lack temperance and do not break the fast.  It is, however, necessary always to ask permission to do this.  On a day of fast, you feel that you are a little unwell and you appear gloomy though you do not want it, and you are not in need of taking anything; I tell you, my dear Sister, instead of two slices of bread and wine, take two ounces of courage and vigour so that by your sad face, you do not make others ill for fear of catching your illness.

 

I would like to add something here to prove that the Church is not very rigorous in her commandments.  A Sister falls sick on a feast day.  She has  little fever and the fever goes up during Mass.  Apparently she can manage well on her own and no one need stay by her side during the half an hour or so the mass lasts. I tell you that you can miss Mass so as to remain at her bedside, even if you are sure that no harm can befall her if she were left alone. The theologians in Italy have stated that a girl may remain six weeks without attending mass only because her dress is torn and she has no other suitable to her status.  Is it not a very light reason?  Finally, we must always go beyond the limits in favour of charity especially in all this and for fasting in particular; also when we undertake some works of mercy.

 

You are asking me, dear Sister, what can you do to make your decisions firm and make them really effective?

 

There is no better way than to put them into practice.  But you say that you remain always so weak that even though you take firm decisions not to fall into the imperfection of which you desire to correct yourself, when an occasion arises, you do not always cease to fall flat on the ground.  You want me to tell you the reason why we continue to remain so weak?  It is because we do not want to give up unhealthy food.  Take the example of a man who, to avoid a stomach-ache, asks the doctor what he should do.  The doctor tells him not to ea such and such a dish, because it causes indigestion and soon after cause stomach-ache.  The man, however, is not prepared to abstain from this forbidden food.  We too act in the same way.  We do not mind being corrected but at the same time we want ourselves to be held in esteem.  How silly!  That is not possible.  You cannot be strong and courageous in accepting corrections as long as you eat the dish of this self-esteem.

 

Oh, how I wish to keep myself recollected, but at the same time I do not want to deprive myself of all these useless thoughts.  That is not possible.  My God, how firm and constant I want to be in the performance of my spiritual exercises, but at the same time I do not like to take so much trouble.  In short, I want something ready-made.  That again is not possible, as long as we are in this life.  We shall always have to work hard.  The feast of the Purification, as I said once, has no Octave.

 

We ought to take two parallel resolutions: one is to notice bad grass growing in the garden of our life and the other to have the courage to uproot it because our self-love will not die so long as we live.  It is this self-love which causes them unruly growth.  We should not think that we are weak just because now and then we fall into venial sins provided we get up, immediately turn back to God in spirit, gently making ourselves humble.  We should not also think that we can live, all our life, without committing any sin at all; only Our Lord enjoyed this privilege.  As I said earlier even though venial sins stop us a little while, they do not lead us astray.  A simple return to God wipes them all away.  Some people believe that a bishop’s blessing or holy water efface them. It is not the bishop’s blessing which does so, but it is the act of humility in receiving the blessing, as well as our turning back to God in spirit.

 

You want to know whether it is always necessary to bless yourself with holy water whenever you make certain meditations which the prayer books teach.   Oh.  Do not think all that those books teach are to be practised by those who have reached this stage, namely, the practice of turning their hearts to the divine majesty on every occasion by means of a certain contemplative love; for all other practices will hurt their simplicity.

 

Those who wish to meditate on the holy water while blessing themselves with it and then while venerating the Crucifix and again another on the presence of Jesus in the Blessed Sacrament, on the Sign of the Cross and so on or those who would like to meditate on the Life, Passion and Death of Our Lord, reflecting on each detail from beginning to the end – who would not see that there would be no time left, during Mass, to make single act of love and resolution which would be much more useful?  No doubt, the intention to go to Church, to adore God, includes all these detailed reflections.  And to keep oneself in this disposition or in another if one is absorbed in it during mass, is a very good way of attending mass.  Finally, a number of considerations distracts our heart and mind and turns us away from this loving simplicity which renders us so pleasing to God.  all these other things are good for those who are not really capable of doing anything better, and they help them to keep their hearts in order.

 

You like to know whether you should carry on making resolutions even though you know that usually you don’t keep them.  Of course, we should not stop taking them, even though we find that it is quite impossible to keep them when an occasion arises.  Renew the decision with greater strength than you feel in yourself, with enough courage to succeed in your undertaking; you say to Our Lord: it is true, Lord, that of my own, I will not have the strength to do or to bear up with such a thing: but I am glad about it since it will be your strength which will accomplish it in me (2 Cor. 9:10). With this support go to face the battle with courage and do not doubt at all that you will succeed.

 

Our Lord deals with us exactly like a father or a mother:  The mother lets her child walk alone, all by itself, when it walks on a meadow where grass is abundant, or on a moss covered field, for the child will not get hurt much even if it falls down.  Btu when it is a matter of rough and dangerous roads, she carries the child carefully in her arms.  We have often come across persons who have withstood great attacks without being crushed by their enemies, on the contrary, they have come out victorious.  The same persons, however, were defeated soon after in some light encounters.  And why does this happen if not because Our Lord, knowing that they would not come to much harm by falling down in small matters, left them to walk alone; whereas he did not leave them alone when they were hanging on the precipices of great temptations.  He saved them then with the might of his powerful hands.

 

St. Paula was extraordinarily generous in detaching herself from the world, leaving behind her the city of Rome and all facilities.  Even the tender, maternal solicitude of her heart could not shake her resolute determination to leave everything to attach herself to God alone.  Nevertheless, after making all these great sacrifices, she gave in to the temptation of pampering her self-will which made her believe that she should not heed the warnings given to her by many saintly people to cut down on some of her common austerities.  St. Jerome judged her behaviour blameworthy.

 

Your question is: Should you prefer simplicity or charity if it concerns the practice of the one or the other when they are to be performed by the same person. 

 

It is easy, dear Sister, to answer your question.  Charity is the main virtue.  All other virtues are and should be subordinated to it.  In the example you have given, it is better to be simple or to say more correctly,  practise simplicity.  For you will not fail in charity if you make a Sister get up from her seat to let you pass in order to take a seat offered to you elsewhere by another Sister.  Even if the Sister is inconvenienced to get up or feels too much pushed against her seat, it is better that you should go to the seat that has been offered to you in all simplicity, feeling at ease that this Sister who gets up has been provided with an occasion to practise charity.

 

You now ask me again: What must I do when a Sister asks me to do something she is supposed to do herself and which you cannot do it without failing to do something you are to do yourself.

 

As an answer, I give you this example.  If you cannot get the supper ready in time, if you do what she requests you to do, who does not see that if you oblige to the request at that time, it will go against obedience and charity.  This should never happen, whatever be the excuse you have to do it.  You should tell this Sister quite gently: Sister, if you can wait till I have finished the work I have to do just now, I shall certainly be at your service, but I cannot do it just now… If, however, what you have to do is not so urgent, you are to leave aside promptly what you are doing in order to practise this kind service by doing what she has asked you to do.

 

In conclusion, let me remark that all the things I have said here on Modesty are extremely refined, for reaching perfection.  Hence, none of us who has heard it, should ever be surprised to find that one has not yet arrived at perfection since by God’s grace all of us have the courage and determination to aim at it.  So be it.

 

May God be praised!

 

 

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[1] Note:  this conference deals with modesty, the manner of accepting corrections, the means of strengthening one’s spirit in God in such a way that nothing can turn it away from him.

[2] The sister who edited the conference made a mistake by oversight.  The incident narrated here refers to Barbarus, a disciple of St. Francis of Assisi, and not to the saint himself.

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