Salesian Literature

Chapter 13:  The different forms of love

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Love is divided into two kinds: selfish and unselfish.  Selfish love is loving something for what we can get out of it: unselfish love is loving something for its own sake – in the case of another person, what can this mean but trying to ensure his contentment.

 

If the person loved is already contented, unselfish love takes the form of being glad for his sake; so it becomes gratifying love, the will entirely united with someone else’s satisfaction.  If the other person is not yet satisfied, we wish him to be; this love is called desire.

 

Unselfish love, where there is no common ground with what we love, is called benevolence. Where there is common ground, such love is called friendship.  This common ground demands three things: mutual love, mutual knowledge of that love, and mutual companionship or close acquaintance.

 

If our love for a friend involves no preference to anyone else, there is friendship, nothing more.  But if we prefer this person to others, then our friendship is called affection – a choice has crept into our lives.

 

If the preference is not very great, such love is called simple affection; but if there is a very special preference, then it is called deep affection.

 

If, however, our preference for a friend is so great as to be unequalled, yet still comparable with our preferences, the friendship is called eminent affection.  Only when the eminence of friendship exceeds comparison on a human level do we have sublime, unrivalled, supreme affection; the word for it then is “charity”, the affection due to the one true God.

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